that was an accident

isurvivedthekobayashimaru:

I was at walmart the other day, and I was sitting on a bench waiting for my mom to pay, and I was braiding my hair because that’s something I do when I’m bored, and this dude walks by and says, “hey baby, what else can you do with your hands?” I gave him my most polite smile and said in the sweetest way possible, “strangle you.”

And I think I actually scared him because his eyes got kind of wide and he just walked away.

(Source: shesdonejim)

fake-mermaid:

why isn’t there a middle finger emoji i swear i would use it 99% of the time

ifyoucarryonthisway:

i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute 

(Source: topgunhatguy)

mspgay:

snorlaxatives:

snorlaxatives:

aaaaalrighty-then:

snorlaxatives:

why is being alive so expensive

You spelled “suck” wrong.

???????????????????????????????

i literally can’t even tell what you’re trying to say

• why is being alive so suck
• why is being alive suck
• why is suck
• suck is being alive so expensive
• why suck so expensive

?????

 

dangerousordinary:

Presented without comment. 

zackisontumblr:

you know a text post has made it to the big time when it gets stolen by twitter parody accounts

nickmoorexvx:

Yesterday a guy came up to me at work was like “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”

I’ll say that again. 

A guy came up to me

at work

and asked “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”

 

(Source: aryastarks)

faeiouck:

shady-bacon:

faeiouck:

“all slytherins are evil”

“all gryffindors are good guys”

“ravenclaws are nothing but nerds”

“hufflepuffs don’t do anything”

Name one evil Gryffindor. One.

peTER PETTIGREW YOU LITTLE SHIT DO NOT QUESTION ME

(Source: jourdonnais)

knifefarty:

if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more

never-be-anything-but-loud:

In the Chamber of Secrets, when Dobby first appears in Harry’s bedroom, Dobby tells Harry about how he has heard all about Harry’s greatness.

But if he serves the Malfoys and rarely leaves the Manor, who told Dobby these things?

My money is on Draco.

babyangelcastiel:

This was the worst moment ever.